Rachel Heath

Intentional Living: learning to be fully present

Archive for the tag “Social Media”

On Living in Relationship Without Facebook

simplicity bannerI know, it’s March 9th, and I haven’t shared anything about our No Social Media February, or our Purging and Nesting March. I’ve written and revised several drafts of this and each pass brings up new things for me to process, so I’ve been putting off the final posting.

Because I update social media for a handful of my clients, I had to get on Facebook a couple times during February, and each time, there were more notifications. At first it made me feel like I was missing out on life; I had a little withdrawal anxiety. But I started to care a little less, every time.

I was surprised how easy it was after the first couple days. I really stopped thinking about what I was missing… stopped thinking about the myriad witty ways I could sum up that experience for my status; stopped thinking about instagramming that cute picture of Izzy; stopped thinking about tweeting that headline. I stopped missing out because I was picking the perfect filter for a photograph or replying to a comment.

I stopped thinking about sharing my life on the internet and started living it, completely present, in the moment. I don’t think there’s something wrong with all these things, but I’ve discovered through this process that social media had become another means, just like my hair, of molding my identity to fit into some ideal.

I feel newly liberated from the expectations of others. Because I stopped sharing the daily details of my life, stopped receiving constant feedback, and stopped comparing them with the details shared by others, I stopped caring about the feedback and where I fell in the comparison.

Some combination of this freedom and added time on my hands allowed me to start writing more. I published a couple blog posts this month that felt scary and personal which got a surprising amount of traffic. But my journal is doubly full of stuff I wrote just for myself, and I haven’t journaled in months.

When you decide to live instead of craft a digital life that looks just-so for the benefit of others, it’s risky. Relationship is not safe.

A friend and I were talking last week about relationship – that it inherently requires risk and trust, and that if you aren’t putting yourself in a position where you could potentially get hurt, you’re missing out on the full potential of that friendship. I’m enough of an introvert that social media can enable me to fully withdraw from the real world, and this month forced me to risk with the right people instead of the full sphere of everyone I know on Facebook.

As we’ve given up social media this month, I have felt isolated, a little bored, and… surprisingly peaceful. I’ve yearned for relationship, and couldn’t fill the void with status updates from people I haven’t talked to in a decade. Instead, I’ve filled it day-to-day and face-to-face with my family, through phone conversations with cherished long-distance confidants, and over coffee dates, dinners, walks, and yoga sessions with old friends.

Surface relationships conducted through the screen of my iPhone are being replaced by messy, authentic, deep relationships with the people who matter most to me, people whose feedback I really value and who have authority to speak into my life.  Over the shouting and clamour of children; over the stirring of pots and pans; over long evenings, glasses of red wine, laughter, and many, many dirty dishes; this is where my heart has found relationship this month. And it’s better than Siri, that’s for damn sure.

I fully realize the irony of this entire post given the fact that I’m sharing it on the internet, via social media channels, my life out there for everyone to see. This difference lately is that I’m living my life in the real world and just writing about it here.

I’m not writing this to tell you the “right way” to use social media, but to challenge you to look at your own habits. When we came up with this Year of Simplicity, nearly everyone I asked listed Facebook as a major distraction from the important things in life, so I have to imagine I’m not the only one who felt controlled by it without even realizing it. For me, the issues went much deeper than wasted time and energy, and I’m still sorting them out.

Speaking of sorting things out… we’re spending this month getting rid of crap and organizing our home. Embarrassing photos of our closets to follow.

Did anyone else give up social media with us? If not, do you feel like you could benefit from a break?


On February: We’re Going Dark

simplicity bannerFebruary: No Social Media. Seriously. None.

When I first polled friends and family about what distracts them from important things or wastes significant amounts of their time, at least 75% of people cited social media. When I hear stats about how many of us check facebook first thing in the morning, I don’t feel as “What is this country coming to??” and “Kids these days!” as some people do about it. In fact, I’m inclined to think that we’re created for relationship, and in a world where there is increasing distance between family and friends, where our lives are increasingly busy, social media provides a valuable and unique way to connect with one another.

But when you’re checking facebook 20+ times per day (yes, brutal honesty, that’s me), I think the drawbacks begin to outweigh the benefits. That’s why we decided to include this in our experiment and include it early. I have a suspicion that I will end up feeling somewhat isolated, but I also suspect that the loss of social media will push this introvert into more antiquated forms of communication like, say, texting or email. God forbid I make a phone call. Or – gasp – actually get together with people. Needless to say, Stephen The Extrovert will be totally thrilled and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s more productive at work this month.

I’m still not sure where I’m going to find the self-control for this. I might actually delete the apps from my phone and reinstall them at the end of the month. I can’t decide if that’s sad or funny. Probably both.

While I will continue to blog during February, I won’t be tweeting, pinning, sharing pictures, or updating my status. My blog automatically shares new posts on facebook and twitter, so if you reach this post (or any other this month) from one of those sites, please know that I would love to respond to comments here on my blog… just not on social media.

That’s it… we’re going dark. See you in March! Or, maybe I’ll just see you in person. Imagine that!

On January: I Kinda Suck

simplicity bannerSo, our first month is over. How did we do on our rules? What do we want to change moving forward?

Social Media: At this point I think it’s safe to say that I’m addicted to social media. I decided not to check social media more than twice a day and I’ve broken that rule almost every day. If we’re facebook friends or you follow me on pinterest, you’ll see that I’m still on there all the time. I give myself a break when I’m sitting in the car with a napping toddler in the middle of the day, but most of the time, I could and should be doing something more important. I’m updating less frequently but I’m still opening the apps and making comments. Sometimes I unlock my iPhone and facebook is open before I even think about it. January has showed me that this behavior has become second nature and that scares me.

Television: We were so-so on the TV thing. It’s easy to fall into old habits, and there have been a handful of nights where we decided we’re just too tired to do anything, let’s just watch 4 episodes of Arrested Development, and we usually regret it. However, I think we’ve made a big improvement on how we were before; at least half the times we would have chosen TV, we chose reading, or cards, or drinking tea together instead. I’m feeling myself caring less about our favorite shows.

Purchasing: I think we did ok here.The only things I bought brand new were Izzy’s birthday present (we’re making an exception for gifts, and I had it picked out for weeks), a pair of cross trainers, and 2 sports bras (sorry, I’m not buying bras and sweaty workout shoes second-hand). We made no major purchases.

Tithing and Giving: We 90% fail at this. Stephen gave $20 to a new friend we met who is living in his car, but that’s it. Truthfully, I just don’t know how we can afford to give when we have to save up to pay my business taxes and buy new tires for our car and we already live paycheck to paycheck. But I suppose that’s the point of giving in faith, isn’t it? This is one of those things that feels wrong in the natural when you’ve never done it before, and we just have to decide to take the risk. So this month, I want to give… even if it’s just a little bit. Then I want to give a little more every month after.

Tomorrow is the first day of February, and the first day we officially ditch social media… and I thought this was hard before. #FirstWorldProblems, right?

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