I don’t know what’s gotten into Isabella over the last few days. She’s barely napped during the day, is difficult to get to sleep in the evening, and is waking up a lot during the night. Classic teething symptoms aside from there being no sign of teeth emerging. Anyway, I was trying to put her down for a nap today, she was fighting it and I was getting really frustrated.
We absolutely don’t believe in letting our daughter “cry it out” but sometimes I need to take a couple minutes to regain my composure when she’s having a hard time. So I put her down in her crib, said “I love you,” and left the room. I sat down at the dining room table for a minute or two to take a break and tried to breathe deeply.
Isabella’s cries were getting really insistent and I decided not to push it. If she’s really not ready for a nap, I’m not going to try to force her. One of the things I’ve learned during the last nine months is that I can’t control my child- or anyone else- no matter how much I want to.
I went in, picked her up, and carried her out of her bedroom and into the living room. Her room was dark so I couldn’t really see her when I picked her up, but when I got her into the light and looked at her face, I was completely horrified.
Isabella’s cheeks, chin, mouth, hands, and shirt were covered in blood. The expression on her face was undeniable fear. I was an absolute disaster… thankfully Stephen was home, he held her while I cleaned her off with a rag and finally managed to pry her mouth open. The blood was coming from a cut on the inside of her upper lip- probably from her own teeth. When I went back into her room I found that her comforter was bloody, too.
I feel wretched, My little girl hurt herself and needed me. She was crying for me and I couldn’t tell the difference between “I’m frustrated and tired” crying and “I’m hurt and bleeding alone in a dark room please help me” crying. She didn’t have to wait more than 90 seconds for me… but that’s still a long time for a baby in pain.
I’m thankful she wasn’t seriously hurt, I just hate that she was scared and I didn’t come for her right away. I hate that when I realized she was bleeding I couldn’t stop freaking out and get my head on straight and do something about it, all I saw was bright red blood all over my baby’s sweet little cheeks. I just kept saying “oh my god oh my god my little girl, I’m so sorry oh my god,” while Stephen tried to reassure me (reassure me) that everything was ok. And it is now… minor injury, minor incident.
But seriously… is this me as a mom under pressure? I’m terrible at it.