I’m getting tired of being in transition
Let me summarize the last few weeks thus:
I got in a fender bender, my fault.
Our deductible is $1000.
The auto-body shop is going to have my car for 2-3 weeks and Stephen and I have one car left between us, so I have to learn to drive a stick shift and it’s frustrating.
It’s beginning to sink in that we’re moving in 2 months. All I’m going to have is Stephen, Moses, and Stephen’s family (who I enjoy, but it’s not the same as having my family).
I’ve been pissed off at God for a few weeks and I didn’t talk to Him for a while. Now I’m entering a period of getting very real with Him. It’s a long story.
I’ve been battling depression and losing. I’m depressed because we’re in debt and we have to pay 1000 bucks for my stupid mistake, and because soon I’m leaving everything I know and love and I’m afraid to be alone, and because it’s really, really hard to live without God and I’m completed exhausted from trying to pull myself out of bed everyday.
So, I’m sorry to everyone who reads my blog. I’ve been a little preoccupied and I haven’t been writing because I’ve reasoned that you probably don’t want to read about the shit, you want to read the funny sarcastic stuff I usually write. But I keep trying and I can’t write anything genuine that’s good and happy and funny right now. So I’m just going to write about the shit because it’s making me sick to internalize it. If you want to read about it, keep coming back. Maybe along the way I’ll discover something good about the last month; a sparkle in the waste.