Rachel Heath

Intentional Living: learning to be fully present

Rachel: Flower’s Bane

We have 2 buildings and quite a few married couples in the company. One woman from the other building sent her husband (in my building) an enormous bouquet for V-day. Her husband is out of the office for several days. I called the aforementioned woman (she’s head of a department, very important, etc. etc.), thinking the flowers had been delivered early on accident.

“Oh! I completely forgot that he’s in Dallas today. Would you put them in his office and make sure they have enough water? He’ll be back on Wednesday. Thanks!”

Crap. I was hoping she’d say “Well, you go ahead and keep those delicious smelling flowers for yourself, hon, and I’ll just order some more! After all, I’m very important and I can afford more flowers.” But no. It’s now my responsibility to love and nurture those stupid flowers till’ dude gets back from his business trip (do husbands even like delicious smelling bouquets?). If there’s one thing I excel at, it’s killing plants. I’ve got the touch of death- I’m a botanical murderer of a high and lofty reputation. A hit-woman of all things green and growing. This is NOT GOOD.


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6 thoughts on “Rachel: Flower’s Bane

  1. I say, just take them home. Kill them there. Claim ignorance. Better yet, just don’t say a thing. Shrug your shoulders – a lot. If she persists, cry.

  2. Crying is the other thing I excel at.

  3. So….this woman is in touch with reality so much that she sends her husband flowers when he’s not even there for days!……….they’re guilt flowers….she’s done something……I would investigate….phone her each morning and tell her how her guilt flowers are doing, remind her constantly that she did “something” that warranted sending flowers….as they die she’ll cave in and send new ones….comment when he gets back that this is the second bunch then sit back and watch as he graps them up in his arms in a hormonal rush…marches up to her office and demands to know what she’s done that she’d send flowers!!!!!!!!!! (flower heads will fly as he bangs them on her table) To not be decieved these flowers may smell nice but there is something fishey going on. They deserve to die….in fact they must die! (Then I’d follow Thomg advice and cry!!!!!)

  4. Hi I’ve had coffee since my last post….it’s a very nice gesture and I shouldn’t add my cynical touch to it. Sorry Bethx

  5. A couple of thoughts are going through my head…1. If this woman can’t remember that her own husband is out of town for a few days, she definitely won’t remember that she ordered him flowers… Keep them!2. Use the “Out of sight, out of mind,” excuse. You had to put them on your desk so you’d remember to water them and so they’d get plenty of light… right??? :)3. Cut the stems at an angle (supposedtly a knife works better than scissors) under water (or running water). It keeps the stems open and able to drink in fresh water. If they didn’t come with flower food, you can use aspirin. Keep them out of direct sunlight. They should last at least a week if not longer. Enjoy YOUR flowers, Rachel! 🙂

  6. AHHHHhahaha!!!! Ya’ll have made my day! Hysterical!I haven’t laughed so hard in a while.

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