An Open Letter To Winter
What’s up? Last time we talked I think I was begging you to end Summer’s terrifying reign of heat. So, I know you’ve been really busy lately blanketing my entire city with snow and inconveniencing everyone. I’d just like to make a few points and, if I may venture to be so bold, suggestions. I know I’m not a season, and you’ve been doing this for a long time, so I’m not trying to say I could do it better. You know I’m one of your biggest fans (till’ about March, at which point I’m tired of your antics).
Now, I think what you’ve been doing here in Colorado for the last 60-odd years has really been working. You know, how some nice pretty snow falls and accumulates 2-4 inches, but melts within a few days? That’s good. We all like that pretty well. We enjoy the random blizzard that gets us all out work and school and briefly transforms our city into a Narnia-like world of wonder. We’ve even gotten used to Colorado’s typical 2-season year with a sprinkling of spring-ish and autumn-ish weeks in between. So why mess with a good thing? You know the saying, “Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke”?
Maybe you felt like shaking up your routine a little bit this year. Hey, I understand, you’re not as young as you used to be. But here’s the thing, winter, and I’m just being honest: I think maybe it’s a little excessive. And by excessive, I mean ridiculous. I mean, seven weeks in a row? Come on. It’s pretty and everything, but I don’t think that this whole cold thing is making anyone like you more. I was watching the news last night, and an old lady said she’s fallen 3 times on the ice-slicked sidewalks. Why, just yesterday morning I slipped and fell trying to get to work. I didn’t break my hip or anything, but it did ruin my morning.
So, let me make a few suggestions. I liked having 2 blizzards in a row. It was different, fun and exciting (good call on the holiday placement, by the way), and I think that would have been enough. We all could look back on the Christmas blizzards of ’06, with much fondness and cheer. But, as I walk around the city, I see huge piles of plowed, filthy snow banks, sheets of ice on the ground; I feel the bitter cold and wind that pierces all clothing and flesh. Do you want posterity to remember you as a tyrant? Also, I’ll just throw this out there: If you deem it necessary to overwhelm us with snow, at least give the mountainous regions (in particular Keystone, A-basin, Breckenridge, and Winter Park) 25% more that the city.
I’ve seen pictures on the news of your handiwork across the country (downed power lines, crashed cars, freezing precipitation of all kinds, and just about everything imaginable coated with ice), and though some of these things are very beautiful, I would argue that it’s:
1) Dangerous and potentially deadly for the living population, particularly the elderly, local plant life, and animals that thrive on said plant life.
2) Dangerous for those of us who must share the streets with all manner of the maladroit (i.e., people from predominantly warm weather states; people unfamiliar with the typical operation of a vehicle in snow, or otherwise; people who are under the impression that their truck or SUV is capable of everything they saw in the commercial).
3) Bad for economy. Citrus fruits are being frozen, herds of cattle are inaccessible to their owners, and the Beaujo’s in Idaho Springs is closing.
Therefore, because of these reasons (and many others I’m sure other disgruntled winter patrons have made you aware of), I beg of you, please end your long national autocracy of never-ending winter. At least before April 7th.